Wisdom

Boszi

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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour s newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. No one is listening until you fart.

6. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

15. Don't worry--It only seems kinky! the first time.

16. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

19. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

22. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

23. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.

24. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

25. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

26. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

27. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
 

Spanky

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Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Charles, and in four days she became his stepmother.

Men will never learn.
 

karibcsaj

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You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'...
 
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