The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's govt. conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
known as "Euro English":
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
adopted in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is
disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. To mak it
ezir to red, al nowns wil bekum Kapitalizd. Zer vil be no mor Trubls
or Difikultis and Evrivun vil find It ezi tu understand ech Ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's govt. conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
known as "Euro English":
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
adopted in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and
keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is
disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. To mak it
ezir to red, al nowns wil bekum Kapitalizd. Zer vil be no mor Trubls
or Difikultis and Evrivun vil find It ezi tu understand ech Ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
